Eric Fromm – The Art of Loving

“Responsibility could easily deteriorate into domination and possessiveness, were it not for a third component of love, respect. Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word (respicere = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as he is. Respect, thus, implies the absence of exploitation. I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me. If i love the other person, I feel one with him or her, but with him as he is, not as I need him to be as an object for my use.

To respect a person is not possible without knowing him; care and responsibility would be blind if they were not guided by knowledge. Knowledge would be empty if it were not motivated by concern. There are many layers of knowledge; the knowledge which is an aspect of love is one which does not stay at the periphery, but penetrates to the core. it is possible only when i can transcend the concern for myself and see the other person in his own terms. (to get away from the self-referential nature of …) I may know, for instance, that a person is angry, even if he does not show it overtly; but I may know him more deeply than that; then I know that he is anxious, and worried; that he feels lonely, that he feels something deeper, and I see him as anxious and embarrassed, that is, as the suffering person, rather than as the angry one.”

~ we are like onions; since at our core is love, we need to keep peeling until we can see it;

~ Charles Eisenstein: Judgment toward them reflects only our lack of understanding, not any fundamental differences in our core being

So when we are angry, when we judge, we are not seeing the essence of the other person, rather the created layers on top…

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